I really must rethink my business plan

Look, I don't claim to be a great or even a good writer. No, at 3:30 in the morning central time I'm what you call an "available" writer. And believe me, I'm totally earn all the filthy lucre one should acquire on minimal talent.

But perhaps I have ill-chosen the best ideological position for my limited talent:

Jonah Goldberg—who has a career of any kind solely because his mother told Linda Tripp to secretly tape conversations with a lady who gave the president a blow job, and who is generally considered to be one of the most intellectually lazy pundits of any political persuasion of all time—writes about The Simpsons for The National Review Online...just got a million dollars to write another book. Hooray for the publishing industry!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'll have you know, I can manage to put together a sentence containing a noun and verb at least 4 out of 7 times. This in and of itself would make me a towering literary figure at National Review Online. I've even been known to do my own research (I'm on to you Wikipedia!). Nevertheless, because I represent a liberal viewpoint I am ostracized from mass sales-dumps to conservative interests groups.

Well, no more. I know where the money is, and it's clearly not in the public option of publishing. From now on it is time to change sides, out of desire for cash.

I am now going to engage in writing the following mash notes to conservative thought in hopes of a very nice display at the Heritage Foundation and Searchlight Books (the world's dullest bookstore).

"Zombies Shrugged"
"Free to Choose Sea Monsters"
"Dick Cheney's Persuasion"

Ca-Ching!