Friday, April 30, 2010

And now a chance for Mickey Kaus to discuss his future prospects...


On welfare AND a goat.









Meanwhile he's been a candidate for all of two months and his popularity is BLOWING up:

Best Fark headline in some time

It's funny, because it's true:



It really is:

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) wants to start deporting American citizens.

Not all American citizens, mind you. Just the natural-born American citizens that are the children of illegal immigrants.


Which would be bad news for li'l Miss Anchor Baby.

UPDATE:

Ooh, ooh, here's an idea.

What if we put all those people into internment camps?!

Water is wet

And the PGA Tour is overwhelmingly Republican.

Who could have anticipated white guys who grew up at private country clubs and gated communities would vote Republican?

But how will Palin's kids get diploma's? They can't draw Lucky!

Really, they can't!

I just realized the University of Phoenix is going to start requiring you PDF and IM your Student I.D.

It's not like they can afford to come and demonstrate!

By just cutting the unemployed adrift, politicians don't have to worry about marches after all.

Unlike a huge swath of teabaggers who can rely on their devinely provided social security and SSI-disability benefits DESPITE governmental intervention!

What a shocker

Via Digby, now supporting Supreme Court precedent is the XXXXXTREEEME position.

By all accounts, Judge Wood is supremely qualified, writes Nathan Koppel in Thursday’s WSJ. She even garners some hedged support from conservatives. “Her opinions are all very scholarly” said American Enterprise Institute’s Michael Greve. “She is not a bleeding heart.”

The reason she’s viewed by many as a riskier pick than the others: she’s been relatively outspoken in her support of abortion rights.

Koppel writes that Judge Wood has expressed approval for the philosophy behind the Roe v. Wade decision establishing a woman’s right to abortion, which was written by her former boss, Justice Harry Blackmun.


Oh that CRAZY commie!

There's a reason you ignore them

It's certainly true that in the last week and a half, the Obama Administration has found itself in a Bush-like situation of having a bad policy decision become a precursor to an actual disaster.

The GOP plays the "long-game" when it comes to disastrous policy positions, something a Democrat should always keep in mind. From pretending there isn't global warming to pissing off the nation's fastest growing ethnic groups you have to add this characteristic to your political calculus.



So how fitting that Republicans at their last convention sent out noted expert on everything Rudy Giuliani to discuss 9-11 offshore drilling. How fitting they adopt noted expert on everything Sarah Palin's slogans. How fitting that they continue to send out noted expert on everything Newt Gingrich to demand it while a certain off-shore oil platform breaks Joseph Hazelwood's record for oil spills.

There are reasons, Mr. President, we shouldn't listen to most Republican talking points.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Thursday, April 29, 2010

"You're stealing my Act!!!!"

Of course he's pissed, calling people Nazi's is his idiotm:

Well done Gordo

I've wondered when a "hot mike" was going to really sink an American politician? The most famous example was Dick Cheney calling a NY Times columnist an "asshole" to George Bush -- but in America, especially with Republicans that and "go fuck yourself" are turn ons" (and precursors in that case) but not when its made about an average person. Sadly, the UK beat us to it depriving us of a month long cable news freak-out.

Meanwhile

John McCain, he's getting maverickly unpopular, Harry Reid's numbers are or are going to be much better in comparison (and fat lot that will do for you too Harry -- you better save your chickens to beat that Lowden woman!)

Currently, 55 percent of Arizonans say they disapprove of his job performance compared to 34 percent who approve. The fresh numbers represent a 27 percentage point drop in his approval rating since September.

Hitting Arizona where it counts

My parents live there, so I have family obligations, but the voluntary trips (and seeing your parents isn't one of those) can really stick it to the 'show me your papers' state.

The total (direct and secondary) impact of the Arizona travel industry in 2008 was 310,000 jobs and $10.2 billion earnings.


And who supplies a lot of that?

...demonstrate the economic importance of Mexican visitor spending to Arizona’s economy. Close to 23,400 wage and salary jobs in Arizona at eating and drinking establishments, retail establishments and other spending-related sectors are directly attributable to Mexican visitor spending. Through local purchases of supplies by businesses and the spending of income derived from visitor-related jobs, these visitors generated almost 7,000 additional jobs in Arizona in 2007-08. These jobs account for a total income of $837.24 million and $3.61 billion in sales.


And just imagine if they stop building all those retirees their cheap housing?

Just because

Magnum P.I. Pub Inspector:

You want to see a demonstration? They'll show you a demonstration

Over the last year or so we've been treated/subjected to Tea Party rally coverage. Those 'tight-camera shots' have allowed their organizers to claim hundreds of thousands were in attendance, nay MILLIONS! when reality showed a few thousand.

But that doesn't stop the media from treating them like a huge social movement.

Coverage bias was most pronounced during the Health Care Reform votes when several hundred teabaggers on the Capitol grounds got a great deal of coverage, while a pro-immigration reform march at the same time drew a much bigger crowd, well into the tens of thousands, received virtually none.

So let the teabags steep in their inflated numbers, thanks to Arizona, on very short notice, now you'll see what a real political protest looks like.

Protest organizers said on Wednesday outrage over the Arizona law -- which seeks to drive illegal immigrants out of the state bordering Mexico -- has galvanized Latinos and would translate into a higher turnout for May Day rallies in more than 70 U.S. cities.


Some of these rallies, like Los Angeles alone in 2006 may (just may, remember short notice) draw half-a-million. Suck.on.that. Arizona.

Not that you'll see much coverage. After all, some mid-50ish white woman from Knoxville is screaming and carrying a sign telling the federal government to stay out of her "soshal securitee" and demanding those socialists let her drink liquor when she's carrying her handgun. And that's damn-fine television.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Boy wait until all the hispanic columnists at the Washington Post read Will's column

Oh, that's right...going to be a while.

Does George Will actually know any Latinos?

Or are they covenanted out of his gated community?

Arizonans should not be judged disdainfully and from a distance by people whose closest contacts with Hispanics are with fine men and women who trim their lawns and put plates in front of them at restaurants


I mean, holy shit. I don't think he even knows people who know a Latino.

"Dammit, I was expecting Angelina Jolie!"

Glenn Beck and every Teabagger

Will accept this as accurate:

A group of evangelicals found some 4,800-year-old wood on top of Mount Ararat. They are "99.9 pecent" sure that it's Noah's ark. This is totally real, which is why it's on the front page of Fox News' "SciTech" section.


Yet doubt that Obama is a citizen.

Oh, by all means Democrats stay home and let these people take over.


Left to right:bottom row, Your Tax Guy, Chinese Chip Douglas, Mao Cap Hair; top row: Justin Long, Fundy Money Honey, and either Sacco or Vanzetti.

Just an observation

The Ivy league (especially Harvard & Yale) seems to provide the overwhelming majority of our nation's jurists AND comedy writers.

And now, more lame fun with Microsoft Paint



BTW,

About Laura Bush's memoir (and prescription log):

Mrs. Bush concedes that she and her friend were chatting when she ran the stop sign. But she also suggests a host of factors beyond her control played a role — the pitch-black road, an unusually dangerous intersection, the small size of the stop sign, and the car the victim was driving.


Now look, this was a horrible event in one's young life and I have no doubt she did and still feels awful about it, but c'mon.

"the car the victim was driving?"

Is she saying it was one of these?

Hey look, Dorian Gray has gotten hold of Cybill Shepherd's camera lenses from "Moonlighting"!

Has she taken after her husband and started misquoting Bon Jovi lyrics? This is the first blog post I've ever had that seems to follow me around the room. A commenter at Gawker makes a good point, it is somewhat similar to this.

Say what you will about Former First Lady and Champion Powerlifter Barbara Bush, you'd never mistake her portrait as being from the MILF line at RealDoll.

Oh, and Laura, Bella Lugosi admires your collar...and your inventory of smack.

"You will like my son, you will like my son, you will..."


Hey, it might work, she's just doing to her subjects what her blockheaded husband did to get her to marry him.

The Popenfuhrer should give it a try.

(pic from Getty Images)

Stay patient Larry King

How touching...who need worry about ratings when you're still loaded enough to do this?

CNN anchors John Roberts and Kyra Phillips are now engaged.

The couple, who began dating quietly in December 2008, spent the weekend at West Virginia's famed Greenbrier Resort. Roberts proposed on the golf course at the hotel, where he left a card on the pin and an engagement ring in the cup at the 18th hole.

"He definitely knows the way to my heart and that's through golf," Phillips said.

Roberts and Phillips will join CNN couples including John King & Dana Bash and James Carville & Mary Matalin.


And in about 25 years they'll all have children working as talking heads and pundits who completely understand the 'Murican people and can speak from the authority of hard won experience and decry how awful affirmative action is!

"I'm not sure your mother was a whore, I'm just sayin'"

If players in the NFL get the hammer for doing outrageously offensive or stupid things, isn't asking a potential NFL draftee whether his 'mother was a prostitute' a bit beyond the pale and worthy of a significant fine?

Who the hell in any line of business doesn't know that this is usually protrayed as the most offensive question in all of, y'know, history?

Don't you dare intervene in my fit!

Well, Lindsey Graham recently demanded immigration reform be taken up ASAP. In fact he had a fit. Then eventually it looked like it might get taken up soon. So he had a fit.

Allegedly the fit was because immigration would come up before the climate change bill he was working on with John Kerry and Joe Lieberman (so you know that bill would be awesome, right?).

Well, we can't have that. So eventually, the climate bill would come up before the immigration bill, just like President Tantrum wanted -- though he said he wanted both bills. Well, apparently not.


Tonight, Graham told me that he will filibuster his own climate change bill, unless Reid drops all plans to turn to immigration this Congress.


I'm sensing a pattern.

Nice to know that Graham will undoubtedly be personally stroked and caressed on this Sunday's chat shows as a "statesman" while Carl Levin gets the Marcy Wheeler treatment because of Sally Quinn's virginal ear (the one on the left only).

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Seems Like an Appropriate Moment

...to run this yet again.



Sorry to run this again, but I just love the moment when he says, "Well, Goldman Sachs are scum". Watch the Shitty Deal reel, and then watch Kaiser again.

Missed this over the weekend

But then, it was Saturday Night Live, good summary of Arizona's fucked up law.

He'd say, "fuck it, I'm switching parties"

Linda Greenhouse, writing about the odious Arizona "Your Papers Please" law asks a pretty damn fine rhetorical question:

What would Arizona's revered libertarian icon, Barry Goldwater, say about a law that requires the police to demand proof of legal residency from any person with whom they have made "any lawful contact" and about whom they have "reasonable suspicion" that "the person is an alien who is unlawfully present in the United States?" Wasn't the system of internal passports one of the most distasteful features of life in the Soviet Union and apartheid-era South Africa?


He'd complain and raise holy hell and call 'em all about of gutless cowards (see 4 minutes in).

And, in the same location I saw this quote, Steven Benen has a reader ask another obvious question:

Just a question I haven't heard anybody ask: Shouldn't the tea party crowd be having a cow over this new immigration bill that Arizona just passed? Doesn't that sound like big government tyranny to them? Giving the police the power to demand "papers" from someone just on their own suspicion?

Any chatter from the tea party folk to this effect? I haven't seen any.


Well this one is easy, the vast number of the Teapartiers believe in the 3/5ths Clause, as long as only non-whites have to show their papers they're okay with it. The logical extension of it meaning they can be stopped an inquired into by a cop is something they cannot comprehend as a white person carrying a firearm.

Letters, we get letters

Just received this:

Hi, My name is Eva and I'm one of rising-hegemon.blogspot.com readers.

I'd like to thank you for the excellent information I've found on your website,
especially your food and diet resources are my favorites.


Um, yeah.

Our last two food related items were "Bob Evans: Sausage Gra(v)y Dispenser" and KFC's "Double Down".

We're a regular fucking "Epicurious.com" here.

Oh goody, more passive-aggressive bullshit for the Village

It's just not the same if Joe's brow-beaten, quasi-wife is not visually besweatered talking about how empty women's lives are if they haven't gotten preggers during a bender.

Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski are putting their radio show on a brief hiatus as the show is retooled and expanded to three hours.


Re-TOOLED?

How much "tool" can one show have? Are they importing a Doocy child?

America's Concern Troll

Oh John McCain he just can't quit you even after this profile in courage:

...the [Arizona immigration] law is so hard to defend that Sen. John McCain, facing a hard-right primary challenge from a supporter of the measure, spoke a few words of praise but nevertheless could not bring himself to cheer the new police powers.


Yes, poor John McCain, caught up in facilitating modern South Africa in the USA.

Oil those pecs and cross those swords

Orcs and Kobolds have united for the most awesome D&D campaign EVER!!!! The Mickey Kaus for Senate uh, crusade? continues to build up impressive endorsements and organize a workable multi-sided dice throwing campaign team:

Thanks to Victor Davis Hanson for the endorsement.


Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of bore.

Scooby-Doo Villains

Don Blankenship and his merry band of profit-motives:

In a news conference in Charleston, company officials also pointed a finger back at the federal regulators who had repeatedly cited them for safety violations before an explosion killed 29 miners on April 5.


Hey, only 47 of the most serious type of violation orders in the last five months...it's not like there was any wrongdoing on the company's part. Those 52 people who have died on Massey property the last decade, just the cost of bigger bonuses for management doing business.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Ha! Ha!

The floppy drive is officially dead.

Good thing I put all my vital information on an Iomega Zip Disk and punch cards.

"The Story of US"

Interesting, how the commercial breaks to "America: The Story of Us" tells me to ignore the actual story, the real heroes of America are banks like "Bank of America" the sponsor of "America: The Story of Us".

Funny that.

Nice Cover -- there are words inside?

See what 'Editing' can do?

According to Atrios, the memoir of George W. Bush is "Decision Points", which just goes to show you, editors work. Bush himself titled it "Deciderin'".

These Fellowship of Christian Athelete Meetings

Are more like the old Royal Navy than I thought:

Tebow, an All-America quarterback at Florida and the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner, felt he had found a kindred football spirit.

"I was jacked leaving that room. I didn't even want to visit another room. It was not enough time," Tebow said. "We were excited, we were enthusiastic. There was passion. It was just intense, and it was ball, and it was juice. The juice level in that room was high, and it was awesome."

And that was just the first 15 minutes.


Anita Bryant would be so conflicted.

UPDATE:

Oh look, a reenactment of their meeting.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's the Washington Post method of reporting -- who buys the ads?

Have a feeling Kaplan & Co. doesn't really give a shit about actual humans? Well, wonder no more:

Obama will speak at a memorial for 29 miners killed April 5 in an underground explosion. The trip brings him to the heart of a state whose voters rejected him twice in 2008. Even some Democratic politicians worry that his environmental policies are hurting a struggling region.


Yes, God forbid that the death of 29 people through gung-ho environment and safety be damned, deter us from questioning whether Obama's the real problem.

I'm trying to determine the difference between this and what a Pravda article on the latest 5-year plan would be like?

He may not be fucking up the Draft for the Lions anymore...

But Matt Millen cannot take part in the NFL Draft without fucking up:

She's a Republican alright

New York's 19th district has a Republican challenger that pretty much epitomizes many of the young loud-mouths I've had to deal with from time to time -- loud and educated from morons.

Meet 30 year old Kristia Cavere, and yeah, she's a teabagger:

"The Republicans are the ones who liberated Europe in World War II."


This, of course, will come to real news to, uh, y'know history -- some well-healed Democrat in a wheelchair for example. And, even worse since Ms. Cavere equates "liberate" with defeating Hitler, the only other implication her knowledge of history could have is that Stalin and the Red Army were Republicans because they did a lot more on that score than anyone else.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

So let me get this straight

Republicans are channeling their inner Riefenstahl and praising the idea of literally blowing up Congress and overthrowing the President (who is black, as emphasized in this little agitprop).

All that's missing is harassing Latinos by demanding their papers. I guess that's for Arizona only.

Thursday was "Earth Day"

So naturally Don Blankenship asked his mistress to lie back and think of the Appalachians.

If the modern GOP had been around in 1787

Mitch McConnell and the rest would want to start over with the Constitution unless it was the "5/8ths Clause"

Friday, April 23, 2010

It's the wankiest Holiday of the Year


Happy Krauthammer Day, as they inform me at Crooked Timber:

In the year of Our Lord (but not his -- no not that one, THIS ONE!) 2003 Ol' Blood & Nuts stated this:

Hans Blix had five months to find weapons. He found nothing. We’ve had five weeks. Come back to me in five months. If we haven’t found any, we will have a credibility problem.


Seven years later, to the day, Chuckles decides to write about baseball, like we might mistake him for George Will.

(pics from here and here)

Republican oversight

Two towel minimum:

Senior staffers at the Securities and Exchange Commission spent hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers while they were being paid to police the financial system, an agency watchdog says.

Uh...

Okay, virgin teases:



I hope "Crockett & Tubbs" here are brothers -- because those shirts are fucked up enough. And guess who the black-sheep of the family is?

White Bronco

Congratulations Denver for drafting Tim Tebow.

Now you've got him, Kyle "Neckbeard" Orton and Brady Quinn.

That's a lot of blandness.

Jealous much?

Michael Steele, a high-living and exquisitely inadvertent quote machine is the best RNC Chair a Democrat ever had. Two days ago he managed to admit what is well-known but never spoken by a Republican, that the Party of Lincoln's strategy the last two generations has been to become the Party of Jefferson Davis.

After a series of reports of lavish spending, from bondage-clubs and single-malt office supplies to keeping the Hawaiian tourism economy afloat, he had the kindness to send me this email yesterday:

Barack Obama is crisscrossing the country shaking down his fat-cat pals for campaign cash:

* Boston, April 1: $2.5 million.
* Miami, April 15: $2.5 million.
* Los Angeles, April 19: $3.5 million.

These are the latest stops on his whirlwind fundraising tour.


Yes, Michael Steele has discovered that politicians, especially powerful ones, have the incredible ability to RAISE cash, not just spend it. This is something even Sarah Palin knows -- incredibly well. And when Sarah Palin is wiser to the ways of the world than you, well, you are the best RNC Chair a Democrat ever had.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Thursday, April 22, 2010

You tell 'em

Finally, somebody gives former and now late IOC Chief Extortionist Juan Antonio Samaranch the obituary he deserves. Not unexpectedly that person is Charles Pierce:

What we have here is a dead guy who had far too much of a sweet-tooth for actual fascists, who fancied himself royalty, who presided over the single most corrupt institution in the history of organized sports -- and one of the most corrupt institutions ever devised by man, at least since we stopped electing Borgia popes -- until the way that institution did business overflowed so garishly that a command decision was made to transform the International Olympic Committee from a vehicle of international bribery to a vehicle of old-fashioned international crony capitalism.

Modern Republicans

Nice group of legislators you got there Arizona:



COOPER: I mean, as you said, the certificate of live birth is available for anyone to see. It's been released. And, in Hawaii, there are only electronic records at this point, and the health department there has verified it. They have made public statements.

So, why vote for something which perpetuates these false Internet rumors?

ASH: Well, Anderson, I think there's been a lot of controversy over the issue. It's created a division among a lot of people in the United States. And, for better or worse, many people don't believe he is a U.S. citizen. They believe he has loyalties -- divided loyalties, I suppose you could say.

COOPER: Right, but those people are wrong. I mean, he is a U.S. citizen.

ASH:
Well, you're telling me that he's wrong. I have never investigated that. If he is, then he has nothing to fear.

COOPER: But -- but, I mean, that -- the information is out there. It has been released. It has been shown. There are some people who don't believe it, but there are also some people who believe that the moon is made out of cheese. And you can say you have never investigated it, but I think you would probably say the moon is not made out of cheese.

ASH: Well, I certainly would.

But the reason I spoke up on this bill is simply because there is a lot of division in the country. And I believe this would put an end to any future controversy about a president's qualifications.

COOPER: You told our producer you voted for this because you get a lot of calls from constituents with questions based on things they have read on the Internet.

I mean, isn't it your job as a leader to actually lead, not to throw up your hands and say, well, who knows what's real or not on the Internet, to actually say, well, actually, you know, Hawaii has released this information, and it's factually correct?

ASH: Well, as I said, I haven't personally investigated that.
But I -- I think that, if -- if...

COOPER: But, I mean, there's plenty of things you believe that you have not personally investigated.

ASH: That's true.

COOPER: Why, this, are you holding onto?

ASH: Well, what we're requiring here is for a -- a presidential candidate to demonstrate he is qualified.

And I don't think having any presidential candidate -- candidate show that he's qualified by demonstrating the requirements of the requirements, that there's any problem with that.

COOPER: You told my producer you thought the president spent a million dollars fighting the release of his birth certificate, and then that raised concerns for you.

(CROSSTALK)

ASH: That's what I have heard. As I said, it...

COOPER: Right. But that's not -- you know that's actually not true?

ASH: I -- I don't know that that's not true. As I said, I haven't studied it.
You get a lot of information on the Internet. As you know, much of it is inaccurate.

This has not been a focus of my attention for the last two years. But I know it is a matter of -- of controversy for many people. And I looked at this as simply a -- a means to end that controversy.

COOPER: You -- you also said to our producer that the president identified himself as a foreigner on his college application.

ASH: Yes.

COOPER: You know that's not true, right?

ASH: I didn't know that that was not true.


COOPER: That's a story that was put out on April Fool's Day. It's a fake AP news story.

ASH: Like I said, I --
I'm reluctant to read anything I read on the Internet, including the evidence about his birth certificate.

Fair Value?

I went to KFC yesterday with one of my chickens, and no matter how often I tried, I couldn't trade it in for a couple double-downs.

It seemed like more than a fair-trade under the new Republican Free-market system.

Perfectly reasonable people

Though shalt dispute all manner of wasteful government spending, except when it comes to Sarah Palin:

A San Francisco lawmaker has come under attack after he raised questions about a speaking engagement by former Alaska governor Sarah Palin scheduled for June at California State University Stanislaus.

State Senator Leland Yee said he has received death threats in recent days, along with racist hate messages about President Obama and homophobic hate messages, apparently because he represents San Francisco.

Yee showed KTVU some of the hate mail he said he's received at his offices in San Francisco, San Mateo and Sacramento.


Dammit, just because the California government is out of money primarily because Republicans got Prop-13 passed thirty plus years ago, doesn't mean the remaining crumbs can't be used to keep Sarah Palin flying in private jets over educating kids or feeding them.

Stupid kids.

Independent's Day

Well, many folks have been saying this for sometime, the Great Orange Satan from his great orange lair comes to mind, but it is being reported Charlie Christ is about to go all 'independent' down in Florida.

Reliable sources informed me today that embattled Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, whose early lead in his US Senate Republican primary race against former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio has essentially reversed itself in the polls, is preparing to announce sooner rather than later that he will leave the GOP and continue his run for Senate as an independent.


Leaving Marco Rubio to surround himself with an crazier GOP base (and a few Internal Revenue agents). With his Party credit card being put on hold, I understand that Rubio is attempting to buy Crist off the new/old fangled, Republican-way -- and that's going to take a KFC-sized load of chickens (maybe a few of those new non-sandwiches too).

Maybe Kendrick Meek will toss in a few to help Charlie fly the coop?

(pic from here)

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ode to Alex Pareene

Who am I kidding? I'm neither sexy, disciplined, nor tragic enough to compose an ode. I saw "Bright Star," so I know that the really good ode-writing requires abstaining from sex in a paralytically sexy way, dirtying your hands from pretentious use of an old-school inkwell, and looming death from tuberculosis, none of which interest me, so I'll just say this: Alex Pareene is leaving Gawker for Salon. Gawker's put together a nice Definitive Guide to Alex Pareene to which I'd add one post, specifically New York City Just Gives Up On Subway Service, which, from my perspective as a daily subway-rider, captured the characteristic rage, cynicism, and incredulity of those of us who must rely on this increasingly decrepit, disintegrating, and dysfunctional transit system. Did I mention that I experienced hellish commutes both Monday night and Tuesday morning? That I had to go blocks and blocks out of my way to from/to work because my train was, for the six or seventh evening/morning in a row, incredibly and inexplicably just not there? Did I mention that The GC told me yesterday that he recently rode in a car with only 25% of its lights working, which caused him to have a '70s flashback and not in a good way? Did I mention that I rode home tonight with five middle-aged women dragging coffin-sized wheelie carts who refused not just to watch, but also to move the fuck out of the way of the closing doors? But I digress...

I love Alex Pareene and one thing I learned from today's Definitive Guide is that he's got a girlfriend. I'm kind of torn about this. I'm glad Alex Pareene has someone to love, but I'm sad that it's not me, because there's nothing I like more than a man with a rapier wit, the ability to wear a long-sleeved plaid shirt on a beach without a soup├žon of self-consciousness, and a willingness to call bullshit when necessary. Today, anyway.

In conclusion, best of luck, Alex. See you at Salon. Please resist going into a Greenwald-esque tailspin of multiple Updates.

Well that cuts it!

Serial philandering, whatever. Now Tiger Woods is truly DEAD to me.

It's official

Rising Hegemon, the blog (as opposed to Rising Hegemon, the After-Dinner Liquor or Rising Hegemon, the Marital Aid), outraised John Ensign in the 1st Quarter of 2009 in the race for the 2012 Nevada Senate GOP nomination.


Sen. John Ensign's re-election campaign took in just $50 in contributions, from one contributor, during the first quarter of 2010, according to FEC reports.


Please feel free to keep Atta J. Turk, Iowa Resident and Democrat, in the running for this vital seat -- which he will not use to run for office, but instead spend on Vick's Vaporub and tacos -- by donating here.

This Scene soon to be known as

Gandhi goes to Tucson:



Really, a truly monumental accomplishment there Arizona, re-instituting South Africa's old policies.

Sort of sad

But not really...that suddenly the "Hitler learns This" or "that" videos have been removed for copyright infringement.

And all before we could see "Hitler reacts to Obama dissing Netayahu" or "Hitler finds out Ricky Martin is gay". Off-putting on so many levels.

A Model Republican (and Tor Johnson impersonator)

Via Wonkette, we find actual cartoon people (with very very small penises I wager) running as...wait for it...a Republican!



Policy planks (other than having a larger penis):

KEY ISSUES (again, other than penis size)

* It is my passionate, intense and burning
desire to attack and annihilate that
monstrous national debt, the biggest
threat by far to our dearly beloved
children and grandchildren. We owe
it to them to pass along a DEBT-FREE
USA. I would be absolutely delighted
to lead the charge against this enemy
of us all (and have a larger penis).
* I believe that well over 90% of what the
Feds do today is unconstitutional and
should be eliminated by We the People.
The sooner (my penis is just average-sized) the better!
* Mighty War Department (for overcompensation purposes, of course).

KEEP THE QUEENS OUT OF THE MARINES
[And out of the other Armed Forces too] -- and airport bathrooms and from comparing their penis-size to mine.

* Combat is NO place for women (what with my small penis and all)
* Proud LIFE member NRA (have I mentioned, overcompensating?)

Well, it's the day after 4/20

Or as it's also known, the PRINGLES APOCALYPSE! (or "Combos Apocalypse" depending on your THC level).

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Consumer Alert - Pringles
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News

I know one group hoping this happens

The TV talking heads DESPERATE for a word they can pronounce:

Scientists fear tremors at the Eyjafjallajokull (ay-yah-FYAH-lah-yer-kuhl) volcano could trigger an even more dangerous eruption at the nearby Katla volcano — creating a worst-case scenario for the airline industry and travelers around the globe.

A Katla eruption would be 10 times stronger and shoot higher and larger plumes of ash into the air than its smaller neighbor, which has already brought European air travel to a standstill for five days and promises severe travel delays for days more.


Call it "Morning Joe vs. the Volcano" (ooh, does that mean we can sacrifice Mika...no? Willy Geist then?)

In all fairness, the area is still traumatized by two things

Favre's late pick against the Saints (THE PAIN!!!!) and most relevantly Larry Craig's restroom shenanigans.

The early reviews for the Twins' new ballpark have been almost unanimous in their praise — almost. The lines outside the men's restrooms have been long, even longer than the women's. This makes no sense. We need answers.


Fewer holes, less glory.

And there's a Supreme Court slot open too

Because really, we won't know who is available until Opus Dei tells us who is their nominee. But until then, there's this:

A Chicago bishop who once blamed the devil for sexual abuse lawsuits against the Roman Catholic Church and proposed shielding the church from legal damages has been named to lead an Illinois diocese.


Although to be fair, "the Devil is in my pants" has been a common refrain in the Church.

The Party of Financial Responsibility

Well, it is a day ending in "Y", that means there must be some tale of GOP fiscal management to discuss.

The RNC spent more than $340K at a semi-annual meeting in Honolulu in Jan., the latest example of the party spending lavishly on itself while GOP officials worry they won't have enough money to take advantage of a promising national landscape this fall...The $340K documented in FEC filings does not include airfare for each staffer, which could amount to tens of thousands more.


That is more than they will spend in some key House races, including one that is contested in Hawaii.

But we are talking about Republicans:

Federal law enforcement agencies have launched a criminal investigation into the use of American Express cards issued by the Republican Party of Florida to elected officials and staff...the IRS is also looking at the tax records of at least three former party credit card holders — former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio


Oh no, not Teabagger heartthrob Scott Brown Marco Rubio!

Fortunately, there is one Republican dedicated to real reform, Nevada Senate Candidate Sue Lowden.

I’m telling you that this works. You know, before we all started having health care, in the olden days our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor...I’m not backing down from that system.


Giving your chicken up for someone else to choke doesn't sound like a great health care scheme, but it does sound like a typical RNC reimbursable expense.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Best Thing I Read Today

Is here.*

Boalt, you're stuck with this guy. Have fun!

*Although this came in a close second.

Guerilla Etiquette

JayShells, I think I love you.

/via Gawker

And while we're on the subject of the subway ...

Dear MTA,

Did you know that the A/C B/D stop at 125th Street and St. Nicholas is in desperate need of renovation? I mean badly. Further, do you realize that it's incredibly disrespectful of the community that uses said station to leave it in the run-down, dirty, dilapidated state it's currently in? Finally, do you realize that it's a major station in the system?

xxx...res

Do Nazi Popes dream of Shimmering Dweebs?

Good Ol' Uncle Joe

Well since Prescott Bush did so well by the Nazis, this only makes sense.

The Tea Party movement’s dirty little secret is that its chief financial backers owe their family fortune to the granddaddy of all their hatred: Stalin’s godless empire of the USSR. The secretive oil billionaires of the Koch family, the main supporters of the right-wing groups that orchestrated the Tea Party movement, would not have the means to bankroll their favorite causes had it not been for the pile of money the family made working for the Bolsheviks in the late 1920s and early 1930s, building refineries, training Communist engineers and laying down the foundation of Soviet oil infrastructure.


And there's more proof:
















And now before the airbrushing!

I'm Rapture Ready now LDL Jesus!



(pic from here)

Oh this will lead to AWESOME law

Chief Justice, and man about town, John Roberts, in a case involving Sexting (i.e. Clarence Thomas' FAVORITE case this term):

Chief Justice Roberts warned against devising a legal rule that “would require people basically to have two of these things with them, two of whatever they are — the text messager or the BlackBerrys or whatever.”


Now, I simply copied this quote from someone else -- but I WANT TO BELIEVE -- he said "text MASSAGER", in part because such a device would be AWESOME (and perpetually make Clarence Thomas the justice happiest to see you)!

Nevertheless, let this begin John Robert's battle against these kids today and their "Poke-a-Mans" and their "Justin Boobers".

Now a pain in the ass

I like Apple products, and I admit, I held an iPad the other day and told the person I was with to get me out of there before I bought one.

However, if this is accurate, kind of a jerk move on Apple's part, couldn't they have found a way to test this out beforehand?:

The problem stems not from the iPad's popularity but from the way it connects to wireless networks. Princeton University in New Jersey has blocked 20 percent of the iPads on campus because of "malfunctions that can affect the entire school's computer system."

In a report, Princeton said the iPad causes DHCP client malfunctions, which basically means the tablet causes interference for other devices using the school's wireless network. In order to prevent that interference, Princeton has been blocking the offending iPads.


And what's more, the iPad is an anti-Semite too (or something!):

The entire nation of Israel has banned the iPad because of problems the country has with the Wi-Fi connection it uses. Visitors bringing an iPad to the country must impound the device for a daily fee until they leave or pay to send it back home.

Good

Here's a topic where Obama deserves some pressure -- and some scolding.

President Barack Obama delivered Democrat-friendly California a stark message Monday: Liberal Sen. Barbara Boxer might lose her re-election race if her supporters don't work hard.


And now the deserved irony about working hard on something:

Obama faced a handful of hecklers demanding to know what he was going to do to get rid of the "don't ask don't tell" policy that prevents gays from serving openly in the military. The heckling grew so insistent that Obama responded, saying that he and Boxer supported overturning the policy.

"So I don't know why you're hollering," Obama said, telling them to yell at people who oppose lifting the ban.


Well, they're hollering because the Administration is not exactly making this a big priority.

More Grifting, Less Donating


A fool and their money are repeatedly parted per Sandra Fish at Politics Daily.

Although her SarahPAC took in $400,000 in the first quarter and had more than $900,000 in the bank, it gave only $7,500 to candidates between January and the end of March, plus an additional $2,000 to two other PACs. None went to Republicans in the races she targeted.


In other "purely unrelated" news, the Palins have added an additional floor to Chez Moose so as to get a better view of Russia and Wasilla area meth-labs.

But there were some expenses:

More than $42,000 went to travel, including more than $7,300 to de-ice private planes. Destinations for Team Palin included New Orleans, Cincinnati, Dallas, Phoenix, Nashville, Salt Lake City and Minneapolis.


So nearly as much de-icing her private jet, as donated to her surely blessed candidates.

Fair value for donors no doubt. Plus Todd's snow-machine has really been awesomely-modified.

(pic from here -- I'd suggest not reading the captions)

Monday, April 19, 2010

Well it's right-winger does something CRAZY day

The anniversary of the Waco Raid and Oklahoma City. And Lord knows they're crazier today than ever.

I just hope we make it through the day, because frankly 4/20 and what it means sure would help.

Free Market Terrorists without half-tons

Goldman Sachs, "assholes" is too gentle a word:

The Securities and Exchange Commission filed a civil fraud suit on Friday that essentially says that Goldman built the financial equivalent of a time bomb and then sold it to unwitting investors.


Essentially after building up the subprime market, they bet on it's collapse and reaping even more profit out of it.

That's your FREE market in action.

Virginia is for Douchebags


This vee-hick-cle was seen at:

A. A NASCAR event?
B. A Teaparty?
C. A Bed, Bath & Beyond?

Notice the classy parking at a "Socialist" Handicapped Parking Space...without noticeable permit (don't forget the "patriotic" fever of a guy with a Confederate flag on his car [3,000 killed by Islamic Extremists versus 600,000 plus in the Civil War those assholes under that flag started]).

In fact, the genius of this guy (because you know it's a fucking guy) can be defined by looking closely at his Dixie-Flag rear window screen which has placed upon it on the right an even smaller Dixie-Flag decal. In case you don't quite get the message.

Oh well, Henry Ford would approve...especially if there was something against the Jews too.

Re-efining the Boob Tube

Conservatives, disgruntled over the daily bias they have to endure from the likes of Steve Doocy, Megyn Kelly, and Glenn Beck are determined to have a television network that doesn't even bother to pretend it's 'Fair and Balanced'.

Ladies and Gentlemen, see what Comcast has now wrought, the RightNetwork, which proclaims it "focuses on entertainment with Pro-America, Pro-Business, Pro-Military sensibilities." So other than 24/7 marathons of "Patton" .
What could the lineup possibly be?

Reruns of "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Mayberry RFD", during the daytime hours -- looking back on the innocent days of the 60s when the South was only populated by white people and Andy Griffith wasn't an Obama supporter, research by Conservapedia.

Survivor: Grand Turismo: Kelsey Grammer teaches various Duggar children the joys of driving a car without all those socialist speed limits and lane rules.

Cops:Catch & Release focusing solely on Palin & Huckabee children with occasional special appearances by Ben Roethlisberger.

And don't forget sports, like a new basketball league populated solely with NASCAR Drivers, at least when the latter are not quoting biblical verse.

Other suggestions?

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"I'm Andrew Fucking Jackson!"

I don't think this clip from Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson does justice to the entertaining, energetic, and, yes, enlightening show I just saw downtown, but here it is anyway.



A couple of years ago, I saw Les Freres' production of Boozy: The Life, Death, and Subsequent Vilification of Le Corbusier and, More Importantly, Robert Moses, and that was good, too. If you can get to see Les Freres, check it out. They're doing some of the most interesting and fun theater I've seen in a long while.

Yes, we all know your "effective plan"


I guess you don't ever have to shut up if shit is never thrown back in your face. Making his twice-monthly appearance on a Sunday Talk Show to give his State of the Bizarro Union and complain about the Kids and their X-boxes and Blu-Rays, and that dreadful hacky-sack and MTV, President John McCain had this to yell:


McCain says US lacks effective policy on Iran


Because what's more effective than bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb...

Way to broaden the Party

Having launched a full-blown generational attack on uteri, some in the GOP are determined to just take women back to the 19th century and eliminate their right to vote.

That'll certainly convince them to vote Republican.

This would be so awesome

I just hope they don't decide to overturn a millennium of history and rely on our Supreme Court to decide how to count votes.

...polls out this weekend show a striking surge of support for the Liberal-Democrats, Britain's perennial third party, which hasn't headed a government since its predecessor (the Liberals) did almost exactly a century ago. Indeed, a composite of this weekend's polls appears to put the Lib-Dems in second behind the Tories, though all three parties are basically clumped together at just over or under 30%.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Re-Runs

Seems like a good time for this one:

Jeez, I leave town for a bit

And a Blackwater President and Goldman Sachs get in big-time legal trouble.

If this keeps up I have have to plan far longer road-trips.

Party of "No" sense

So now the whole of the Senate GOP, including those who helped draft the legislation and were praising it, have decided to pretend to buy into McConnell's laughable remarks about more bailouts and oppose financial reform. Remarks he made after meeting with his Wall Street fatcat donors.

John Cole sums it up best:

This is not an opposition party, it is a suicide cult. Except they are holding the gun to your head and apparently are not having second thoughts about pulling the trigger.

So Bobby Jindal

How's that mockery of volcano monitoring going?

Or are you more worried about rightwingers beating up your staffers for looking "gay"?

Friday, April 16, 2010

Because the public demand for it is deafening

I mean, who hasn't demanded this:

Lou Dobbs is considering a run for President, he told GQ's Jeanne Marie Laskas.

Laskas, who spent several days with Dobbs and found herself acting in various capacities — "wife...mother, campaign manager, shrink, cohort, brat" — got Dobbs to say he is considering a run and that his wife is growing more and more OK with the idea.

This looks familiar

In the spirit of FoxNews, where have I seen this before:



Starts humming "Bonnie Blue Flag"

Underwhelmed or at least just Whelmed.

Tea Party Sadness was nationwide...poor Glenn Reynolds was stuck in Cincinnati with a sad or was it the other way around?

Meanwhile, Sean Hannity — who was supposed to do his show from here live — has had to go back to New York on some sort of personal emergency, but the folks here, though disappointed, still seem full of energy.


That personal problem was the Teapartiers thinking they were bigger than Rupert Murdoch.

It was no 'White-Out' that's for sure

Behold the gathering masses on the Capitol Grounds in my home town.

More than 1,000 Tea Party supporters showed up for Thursday's tax day rally outside the Iowa Capitol to vent their frustration at the expanding power of government.

The number was fewer than organizers hoped for, but authorities described the crowd as orderly.


Well, there's a surprise, if there's one thing right-wingers can do it's orderly. Maybe they were fewer than last year because the Sky God was angry...or maybe it's even more overrated than we've been overrating it.

And no matter where they sort of assembled they are full of awesome quotes:


Johnson expressed opposition to President Obama. "It's not just because he's black"

Yeah, that's only one reason, Andrew Breitbart demands you take note!

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You can't out "crank" me Jon Voight!!!

Michael Moriarty who left Law & Order to become a professional complainer before this whole blogging thing caught on, is a 12th Level Teabagger (-4 intelligence, -2 wisdom, +3 saving throw against Robert Pattinson), sort of Jon Voight for the non-Oscar winning set.

But he's just as logical:

...the Progressives now move from legalized abortion to Health Care Death Panels.


Yes, damn those American progressives and their pro-choice positions and health care reform.

What has brought you to this point Mikey?

As a self-imposed exile, my life’s journey from my birthplace in Detroit, Michigan to Canada is a bit longer than the mild jaunt across the Ambassador Bridge from Detroit to Windsor, Ontario.

The country I left under the subtly unconstitutional care of Bill and Hillary Clinton has now exploded into the incipiently treasonous arrogance of the Obama Nation.


Wait...you left America because of Clinton's efforts on health care reform in the United States...

FOR SINGLE PAYER, SOCIALIZED MEDICINED CANADA?!!!!

Dayum, this guy's making Chuck Norris and Victoria Jackson look only regularly moronic.

And what of her pending suit...

Against Hitachi for the "Magic Wand"?

Hmmm?

Amanda Flowers, a 24-year-old from Manchester (UK), claims that a Wii Fit injury has turned her into a sex addict.

After falling from her Wii Fit board, Flowers reports that even minor vibrations--such as from a food processor, she says-- "turns her on." She was told by a doctor that she had suffered a damaged nerve that has provoked "persistent sexual arousal syndrome."


Well, they do call it a Wii.

By the way, granted I'm not an expert on feminine arousal (please fill in joke here, along with the sworn statements of past girlfriends) and I think I've mentioned this before, but it always amazes me that Hitachi made my Plasma television, gigantic heavy machinery, and the world's best selling vibrator.

Eternal Dough for the Spotted Pantload


Jonah Goldberg doesn't care about all those real damned Presidents; Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush and how they didn't drop the big one.

No, he wants to know if Barack Obama has the guts of fictional President Bill "Independence Day" Pullman had in using nukes against an actual, but completely fictional, alien invasion.

You know, the important, realistic, shit.

John McCain

Self-proclaimed American Statesman!

Bad Book Ideas



(pic from here)

I'll be celebrating

Because my actual real-life business is a sole proprietorship ...and I'm a moron ... every year I pay my taxes in one-big-ass-ol'-chunk. Again, I admit, this is an imbecilic way to pay your taxes, but since I don't drink, gamble, or engage in all the occasionally awesome vices beyond really boring ones, it gives me an element of reckless danger that goes beyond the run-of-the-mill well-earned heart disease.

And it also meant that yesterday I wrote myself a bigass check so I could, in turn, write the IRS and the State of Iowa a few smaller checks that were big in and of themselves.

It's a strange feeling to write yourself a check well into the five-figures (it's probably really awesome if you know it isn't going right out the door to someone else). But still, at least I can pay them, which is always a relief, and a feeling of contributing, but especially relief.

I like to blow the check up to look like a really big fake check and then pose with someone as they shake my hand and I have some fake Stephen Colbert-like grin on my face (as opposed to somewhere else). I pretend I'm celebrating winning a golf tournament (well, if it was 1971 or something, five figure checks now are for people who barely made the cut).

Just a picture into my rather banal life.

Just angry about uh, something

Thers already summed up the Teaparty movement earlier, but let us just look at a snippet of a detailed poll of the loud, angry, and over-covered (we all remember the detailed polling of the anti-war movement right?):

...in follow-up interviews, Tea Party supporters said they did not want to cut Medicare or Social Security — the biggest domestic programs, suggesting instead a focus on “waste.”

Some defended being on Social Security while fighting big government by saying that since they had paid into the system, they deserved the benefits.

Others could not explain the contradiction.

“That’s a conundrum, isn’t it?” asked Jodine White, 62, of Rocklin, Calif. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe I don’t want smaller government. I guess I want smaller government and my Social Security.” She added, “I didn’t look at it from the perspective of losing things I need. I think I’ve changed my mind.”


So, maybe Obama isn't a Socialist Muslim? Surely, this woman needs a chalk-board to reaffirm her prejudices, this thinking stuff is discomforting.

But the important thing is they're real Americans and you aren't, as Digby noted,

Regardless of your overall opinion, do you think the views of the people in the tea party movement generally reflect the views of most Americans?

84% of the self-identified teabaggers said yes. Only 25% of the general public agreed.


[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I can hardly wait until he has Newt Gingrich on...

And they share notes on their collective 11 marriages.

TMZ has learned Larry King just filed for divorce from his wife Shawn Southwick -- the 8th time King's pulled the plug on a marriage.


Oh, and ewwwwwwwwwwww....

Larry King’s wife Shawn accused him of sleeping with her own sister, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively.

Earlier this year, Shawn became convinced that Larry and her sister Shannon Engemann, 45, were having an affair.

They come by their mockery honestly

Four-on-the-floor Jesus!

...the NIV Thinline Bible: Stock Car Edition is sure to be a motorsports fan's favorite Bible. Motor Racing Outreach, a ministry to the world of motorsports, has partnered with Zondervan to create this Bible designed to delight race fans. MRO brings testimonies and photographs of the popular race personalities with whom they work on a daily basis—-the drivers, the pit crews, the media spokespeople, and others associated with the world of racing. Combined with the complete text of the New International Version and offered in two innovative and cost-effective bindings, this title will make a wonderful gift for the true racing fan.


Mel Kiper's Projected Supreme Court Nominee Draft


We here at Rising Hegemon because of our many "industry contacts" (i.e. candid photos) have access to several experts. Unfortunately, we never need them for their area of expertise. With that in mind, here is the NFL Draft Guru's analysis of candidates for the position of "America's Next Top Robed Model"



No. 1: Elena Kagan: This nearly 50-year old Jewish American Princess from New York City graduated with honors from Harvard Law School in 1986. She is known for her demonstrative manner and quick-twitch muscles in her twittering fingers and is known as the best Liza Minnelli impersonator on the Bench. Considered a moderate by many, her defenders in the Obama Administration are quick to point out that many people thought that same thing about Obama and look at the socialist/commie Glenn Beck said he became.





No. 2: Dianne Wood: This 49-year old is described as being full of desire and has a non-stop motor at the line. Though they are of different political philosophies, when former President Bush saw her, he said he "wanted some Wood". Born on the 4th of July, this obviously patriotic aspirant of a socialist hell-scape believes in reproductive choice, and keeping Tony Scalia liver-deep in scotch. Known as a hard-worker and library rat, Ms. Wood graduated with honors from the University of Texas Law School where she spent years studying the habits of the reclusive Americus Teaparticus and was voted law student who looked most like a Century 21 Real Estate Agent. She also is a Protestant, so in addition to a sub 7.0 40 time, she fills a need on the Court.


No. 3: Merrick Garland:A surprising choice at this time, as he was a strong candidate to replace Justice Souter when he retired last year. This was because people would not even know there had been a change in the court. Garland is known in the judiciary as exciting as a walking-talking 57-year old ball of oatmeal and was a recipient of the 2007 Most Regular Man in the World Award by the National Laxative Association, which is indicated by his excellent 40 time, especially in the morning. A 1977 honors graduate of Harvard Law School, Merrick has stated he looks forward to a lifelong tenure of mocking Yale Law School graduates who cannot find a penumbra of rights in their own pants.

No. 4: Tim Tebow: Oh sure, he doesn't know much about the Constitution, like THAT'S a real requirement anymore, but the young man is both a Protestant and a WINNER!